"don't fly too close to the sun,"

To the girl who used to be my precious angel,

You came into my life when the whole world was against me. You came into my life a lot like the first light of the day, a sign of hope, forever benevolent and blinding yet the solace you brought was like hearing the sea hitting the shores; it was quite loud yet the comfort it brings to my heart felt a lot like a safe place. You were my safe place. 
You picked me up and held me in your arms when I completely fell apart and all I felt was pain pulsating through my veins. You held me in your embrace that was filled with warmth and care. You were full of love that you were ready to give it all to help me heal. Or so I thought. 
I see you as an angel, Heaven sent you to me and I paint you in the most purest of colors, bright streaks of yellow representing the happiness you radiated, layers and layers of white paint to cover all the hurtful parts of you that I pushed away yet as beautiful and precious you were to me,
I was blinded.

For the amount of mornings and nights we've spent together, cigarettes between our fingers, heart cracked open, laughter and wise words were exchanged, we showered each other with love, care and growth to experience it all together. The memories and rush of emotions I've went through with you was everything to me, it was everything.

I valued you more than life itself, I was ready to exchange all my happiness with your hurt just to see you happy again. I was ready to sacrifice it all when it came to you, and how much my heart had infinite pools of love for you. I loved you then and I love you still. I already made a home within my heart just so you could drop your anchor some day and give you everything you need to heal. I was ready to be there throughout everything.

And I guess, my love for you completely blinded me. I fell for your words and actions and what you choose to show me to the point I refuse to accept the truth behind it all. I choose to close my eyes at all the parts that hurt me. How selfless was I when it came to you and only you. How I choose to only see you on the high pedestal I put you on, how amazingly beautiful your soul was, how I fell for your kindness and tenderness to the point that I fell apart when I saw the truth.

You were busy being enthralled and infatuated by the burning sun, and just like Icarus, you pushed aside all warnings and soon enough, I watched helplessly as your wings melted and into the sea, you tumbled and drowned. You were drowning, sinking into the floor of the sea, and no matter how hard you tried to pull you up onto the surface, it was as if the sea was swallowing you whole and you choose to let the water fill your lungs but it's okay.
It was okay. I still tried my very best to wash all your wounds clean, and help you as you try to help yourself to heal from it all. And for the longest of time, I thought you were okay. I thought you were finally yourself again.
Up until you choose to chase after the sun again. After all the heartache, the pain, the days of sorrow and sadness, you still choose him over and over again and I can't do anything but watch it happen all over again with the hopes you find it in your heart to look away from it and find the wonders that awaits you at the shore.
No matter how much I screamed for you, you've blinded yourself completely to be with him, not caring about the burns you've suffered, the scorching heat burning your heart off, the withered feathers of your wings and how much ache I've suffered to see you walk onto the path of self destruction.

I realized that I can't help you if it's your choice to blind yourself from the sunlight.
I can't help you heal if you choose to hurt yourself over and over again.
I can't help you if you choose to turn away from all the scars and fresh wounds that kept on reopening from him.
I can't help you even if I have so much love and care for you yet you choose to push it away to feed your starved heart with his half-assed love.
I can't help you, even if I tried because you'll keep going back to square one, willing to put yourself in a cycle of suffering.

Yet if this is what love is to you, if this is what happiness looks like to you, I pity all the beautiful things of the world that awaits you.
I can't keep putting you number one in my life when you refuse to put yourself first. It'll hurt me, crush me, break me to lose you but you taught me selfishness. So I'll pray to the Heavens above to care for you and tend to your wounds because they're the only ones who are powerful enough to pull you away from the sun and make you see the disastrous effect of it all.
I'll pray for the very best of you, with all the love I have in my heart for you, I wish for you to finally get the bigger picture of it all.

With love,
rosy.