" you were my safe haven, always."

People was busy lighting up candles the moment they turned 20, I was busy lighting up a cigarette as the sun sets and the rain washed away the sadness I felt at the moment. Nothing felt more numb than the wave of realization that you're 20 and you haven't done shit with your life. But it was something new to me, the first time I've never really celebrated my birthday, and I couldn't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

The good thing was, I spent my birthday with the one person who truly see me. The one who saw me in the dark when I was curled up in a ball and begged them to make the pain stop, the one who listens to the ugliest thoughts I had for myself, the one who made me laugh so hard that I almost forgot what pain felt like. The only one who managed to see through me and love every inch of me, who came into my life when I had nothing to offer but my words and my pain. I could never thank God enough who brought the light into my life when all I could ever see was nothing. She gave me all the strength I needed to pull through the harshest storms, the songs I so badly needed to listen to just to make everything okay, just for a moment.
The girl who loved me enough when everybody else was desperate to fix me just to have me back, but no, she let me feel the pain, she let me broke down and made me feel the most vulnerable and weak at the moment. And she loved me enough to hold me back until the pieces heal slowly even with scars and all, she loved me enough to hold my hand and pull me close to her whenever we're crossing the road because she knows how close I am to jumping in front of cars, she loved me enough and it was all I ever need. She's my own angel.

And to the basketball guy who drowned out the world with his beautiful playlist, who appeared in my life a lot like sleeping, slowly and all at once. It was exactly like that, what started out as me adoring this mysterious boy who seems to enjoy his own solitude, to me sitting across him on the rooftop, sharing a cigarette and a bottle Barbican with him. Maybe it was the books he read, or the words he gave to her, or the way he says "lepak lu" when I was desperate to leave this world that made me have faith in myself.
The boy who reminded me of my favorite character; Sky. Silence was his favorite flavor, the music he listens to, the books he reads are what made him who he is, who shows you care in the most vague way possible; it was through his words, the little thing he does, the effort he puts in. I could never see myself spending time with a boy like him, let alone get a glimpse of who he is. But god, I am far beyond lucky to know him, the way I do now. Here's to my own Sky, who loves silence yet beautiful conversations as much as he does gazing at the night sky filled with stars.

With this, I present to you, my own little Sad Breakfast Club members.

yours truly,